Why is that?

On Friday Ruth's boyfriend asked me something very interesting. Something that almost made me want to cry about the whole thing. Ruth was talking to him for a while, simple conversation, and then they were discussing sports and I just happened to put my two cents about his whole conversation. Sooner than expected she pretty much looked at me like "Here, you talk to him why don't you..." and then he said something that took me by surprise. She's talking to him and then she asks "He's saying dang, she knows sports and a whole bunch of cool stuff. Why don't you have a boyfriend?" Then she seemed kind of peeved. Usually if he asks me a question she would put in on speaker so we would talk... but she looked at me like "That'll do pig." :|

Which brings me to Thursday. Thursday morning we had our last day of school for the summer. We did finals in my music class 2 weeks before, and since we didn't have to go during the last week of school pals decided to have a sing/play off as our last hurrah. Nina pretty much wanted it to be like Glee, only without the cheerios. lol So it was basically a "this goes out to blah blah for that one time we blah blah'd..." Some people did a lot of neat songs. We laughed. We all sang along. Some played along if they knew the song. Then it was Jason's turn.

Let's talk about Jason, since I never do. I've been "seeing" Jason for 3 months, at least that's what he thinks... thought.... whatever. I wanted him. He wanted me. I held back. Why? Simply because I knew I wouldn't have time for him... that and i was really embarrassed of him meeting my mom, and just afraid it wouldn't go as planned. I'm embarrassed of my whole housing situation. I shouldn't be, but I am. I lived in the greatest part of Whittier for 5 years. I get a rude awakening and forced to live back in BP because of my sister's schooling. If I knew sooner I would've honestly found a graveyard shift & found the will to stay. It all came too fast, and i'm in BP. My mother never meets my boyfriends. I am not a big fan of my mother when it comes to relationships. My mother sees something, then puts it all out of proportion and then tells the whole world about it. I've lost much respect for my mother because of it. If she knew about Jason and I, the family would rejoice and bury the rumor that "I'm gay because I never have a boyfriend." Yes. A family member actually told me that.

So back to him, He was in my music class. He played guitar. He was amazing. I'm all for talking before actually becoming a couple. Some people think it's best to be a couple & find things out later. no. not me. We started dating... and that's all we did. He'd pick me up from work, we'd chill for a bit, talk about our days... joke, and be a bit flirty... but I always held back on him. I wish I didn't with him, but i did. So then our "one month" came. He was being really lame about it, and was very much into our whole situation. I was too, but I kept telling him the only days I would be able to chill and do couple things were Sundays. Possibly Saturday nights. He said he was up for it. So we tried. It was good to love someone. I'm really reserved about my mates. I don't like to tell anyone about them unless I'm having troubles. So our "second month" came. He bought me a Woody Pook-a-Looz. I was ecstatic. I wanted to tell the whole world that I finally found someone and that I am finally happy. Then there was the third month.

That came sooner than expected. He got mad at me one week because I didn't want to hang out with him. I was too tired & stressed from work & family problems that I didn't want to burn it all out on him. He was mad and thought I was cheating. *silent wtf* -____- 2 days later when I wanted to hang out he's like "you were right, let's just be friends w/beni's. It's not fair to leave me hanging like this when all I want to do is be with you." Then he got SUPER MAD at the whole Gabriel duet too, which was TOTALLY NOT my idea. Friggin Moshier. :| That pretty much triggered the whole thing. The next day after the Lady Antebellum final my Misty goes up to me & says "Are you done w/Jason?" I say technically yes, even though we would still hold hands at school, kiss goodbye & text all the time... she says "That's weird, cause it looks like he's over you and pretty quick." Some random chick I've never seen was with him by the art building, totally making out. I was shattered. Disappointed. I cried after work. It was rough. The fucker still tried texting me too, asking how my day was. Prick.

He goes up to me on our "three month" and says "Happy three month babe. I think I'm starting to know what love is..." and I simply say "I thought we were just friends... So why don't you just keep on making out with what's her face, she obviously has time for you." He got all mad, started telling me his side of the story. I walked to bio. He kept texting me during my classes. Deleted them. Last week of school we all decided to do the whole sing/play for one of my music classes... Gabriel said "If you were with me, I'd never hurt you." WOW. AS IF I DIDN'T NEED ANY MORE DRAMA. So I kind of ignored that. It was Jason's turn to sing and play, and he decided to sing Kate Nash's Nicest Things. If you haven't heard that song, it's super sad & depressing. You want to cry for Kate and wish you never felt as bad as she did when she made this song. When Jason sang the part that made my heart sink was when he sang "Basicallly Cris, I wish that you loved me." One side of me made me want to run to him and hug him. One side told me to leave the place and not give a shit. Mike and Charlie made me stay, so I did. Charlie actually helped me with my song for drums. I sang Taylor Swift's Should've Said No. It felt fucking fabulous. He knew I was singing about him, and to him. Everyone cheered and high fived me after. It was uplifting.

He finally knew where his place was, and I hope that he'll never do that with me again.

After the whole thing it made me think wow... what a way to end the semester. Dreading September now. lol :] Who cares. Summer's going to be amazing.

So, back to the whole "why don't you have a boyfriend?" thing. I don't want one right now. That sounds mean, but whatever. I like my solitude. I've always felt that way. I mean yes, it's great to love someone and get that love in return... But hearing my friends talk about their drama... like getting mad for stupid reasons, reading them the wrong way... it totally makes me glad I don't have to deal with their bullshit. Yes, sometimes I do want somebody to love. But then I grab a pencil and paper & write and play it out... and it goes away. It helps. One day i'll probably get sick of that, but it gets the job done. And if that opportunity happens again so be it. Maybe next time i'll have the will and try to start an adventure with someone. I just need to remember the good things out of a relationship and not the bad all the time.

Okay then. Enough Ranting.

Less than 3.